Independent Women? Yes? No? Maybe?


There was a time when being an Independent Woman was a good thing. It meant that, as a woman, you were doing your thing. You had an education, a good job, financially stable, decent material assets (i.e. car/s, clothes, house, etc) and possibly some good credit too! Now being an Independent Woman is a negative thing, and I believe half the reason why is because society has morphed into equivalent of being a Basketball Wife or a Real Housewife of Where Ever.


What happened?


Back in the 90’s the phrase ‘Independent Woman’ wasn’t making that much waves, but in the latter half of the decade it became more prevalent among African-American women we started gaining economic power. We can attribute this to the fact that a growing number were getting educated along with lifestyle sustainable jobs. In the latter half of the year 2000, female pop group, Destiny’s Child came out with their mega-hit single “Independent Women”. The song title became a household phrase as well as an anthem for many women out there doing there thing. I, for one, was a huge fan of the song. Not just because I am a Houston native, but also because I love to sing, and this catchy song was right up my alley. What’s so crazy is, half the time I didn’t even know what I was singing. I may have known the words, but understanding them were a whole ‘nother subject.


So now we come upon a burgeoning culture which is comprised of females who most didn’t have a strong male presence, who’s mother’s want them to live a life they themselves never could, and are coming into their own. These times are so much different then before, because now females can live a life without male interference (and protection), and own their own homes, cars, and companies. There’s so much (childless) freedom available that previous generations of African-American females could only dream about, and subsequently couldn’t prepare them for. Add to the mix a generation of mostly fatherless African-American males who are coming into their own and aren’t prepared either. They are going out into the world trying to find their way and attempting conquer things in the process, including these blossoming females. What you get is a potent mix that I would like to think gave birth to similar situations like out of Destiny’s Child’s “Independent Women” song:


‘Question, tell me what you think about me?
I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings
Only ring your cell-y when I'm feelin' lonely
When it's all over please get up and leave’


(For those who aren’t following where I am going, let me break it down for you. Females are built to be lead. Females take verbal and nonverbal direction very well. Females also take what the men in their lives give them and make it into something. You give them food, and they give you a meal. You give them a house, and they make it a home. You give them your seed, and they give you a child. It is what women are meant for. In order for them to be this way, they were created to be highly adaptable an malleable. Some like to think that they are weak because of these traits, but I assure you, they are not. Being perceptive had to be thrown into the mix so that they could be intuitive creatures that are able to act on the information and resources given to them. How do I know? Because I am a woman! I said all this to say: these women exposed in the world, fully independent - yet not fully mature emotionally, are now conversing with the immature and emotionally unavailable males (age is irrelevant). You already know how this turns out. It is surely a disaster. The females begin to adapt their actions to protect their emotions; hence, saying, I can support myself emotionally and financially - all a man is good for is sex. (This sounds frighteningly similar to the young bachelor who sleeps with various women without getting emotionally attached, and without a conscience. But that’s another subject.))


This has lead to many children born out of wedlock and broken homes. Unfortunately, this reality is not much different from the previous generations but now there’s a twist. Women’s Rights has made it easier for women to get lofty child support settlements. Many women don’t even have to have jobs because housing, food, and medical insurance is taken care of by the government. Child Support from the father is the icing on the cake. Hence the ‘I don’t need no man!’ attitude. So now a generation that was supposed to have limitless possibilities has made a devastating turn to females acting out promiscuously and materially! What’s worse, this generation has given birth to the next generation of females who believe that all they have to do is get pregnant by a ‘baller’ so they can live ‘that life’. Wow!


I’m definitely not saying that it’s all Destiny’s Childs’ fault. The American culture, as a whole, had a role in the downfall of ‘independence’ for all women. Somewhere along the single-mother stress, long work days, and child support lawsuits, the ‘angry black woman’ syndrome got put in the mix and we wind up with the new definition we know so well today. Now a word that was meant for empowering females to go live life to the fullest has been reduced down to materialism and promiscuity.


So where does this leave us?


Find out next week... *wink*


Come follow me on Twitter @fabulusmsdallas... Toodles!!!!


Written by: Dallas Jackson
Author of: Until You Love You, No One Else Will - - coming in September 2012